When alone...

Well, exista in viata momente in care simti nevoia sa stai singur si sa te gandesti la toate cate exista pe lume. Ei bine, atunci incepi sa vorbesti cu tine insuti ca si cum ai vorbi cu un vechi prieten si desi se spune ca a vorbi singur e primul semn de nebunie mie mi se pare ca e singura cale spre sanity; caci pana la urma noi suntem confidentii cei mai de incredere. In una din aceste sesiuni a aparut un dialog pe care doresc sa-l impartasesc cu voi.

"Are you there?"
"You're so warm. I'm not. I haven't been in a long time. I thought I was. I believed that by letting go I was becoming warmer, but I was wrong. I am getting colder."
"But what about your heart? That is always warm!"
"Maybe to others but for me it feels like a void in my chest. It feels peaceful and quiet and cold and it gives me shivers just thinking about it."
"Can I stop them?"
"Can anyone? I wonder if I just close it up, will it get warmer or will it turn to ice?"
"What if it freezes like this?"
"Then it will be alright, because the only thing I'll feel will be the pain of loneliness and that is something I've learnt to face."
"Have you really?"
Shrugging: "If I didn't then it's still alright. One good thing I know how to do is to accept the things that happen around me. Good or bad I can live with them because to me it is not a matter of life and death it is simply a matter of being."
"But you exist. You are here."
"Am I really? How do we measure our existence? Through the eyes of others and yet I have no eyes in which I am reflected. I have friends, good friends, best friends but I've never seen myself truly reflected in their eyes."
"What is there then?"
"A smile."
"Is it a bad one?"
"It is a fake one and they know it."
"Why is it there?"
"Because it keeps me away from them."
"You are weird."
"I know." Smile.
"Is this a genuine smile?"
Shrugging: "Who knows? When it's cold you go numb."
"I like that feeling."
"It's scary and soothing at the same time."
"I could live with it."
"Maybe but I am a hopeful fool."
The most dangerous kind of fool. Maybe that hope is what is slowly killing you."
Grinning: "I know, but dying is the greatest feeling ever."
"Why is that?"
"Because you know that you are alive. It is the proof of your existence."
"Then should more people die?"
"People die every day, they just don't know it."
"That's confusing."
Laughing: "Don't bother your young spirit with such a thing as death."
"Why?"
"Because for you, smiling will always be enough to keep you going."
"And what if some day it isn't?"
"Then you know that you have died and I will be no more."
"But it's not now and I don't like the future so let's go play."
"Of course you don't, you are me after all."